Chasers
10 May 2024chaser | ˈCHāsər | noun
A cis man who can’t get his shit together when it comes to his trans attraction. In the process of navigating his own bi-curiosity he contacts trans women to mostly objectify them, flop on plans made, and compartmentalize them in a space reserved for fetishes.
admirer | ədˈmī(ə)rər | noun
A term you also hear for trans-attracted men that can behave a bit more appropriately, though that doesn’t necessarily mean they want to do anything other than send polite praise and encouragement from a distance.
What does this add up to?
What this adds up to is an inordinate number of trans-attracted men not showing up for us when push comes to shove i.e. keeping it to private quarters only.
I have many trans friends that date other trans women and avoid navigating cis men altogether. I get it. Even though I feel mostly attracted to men these days, I find myself frequently thinking I could deal with so much less garbage treatment, so much less trans misogyny, if I just dated other women.
I have noticed that many sapphic trans women have an extremely low opinion of chasers/admirers and minimal sympathy for their circumstances. I find myself on the other side of this though as someone frequently navigating them. I feel like finding ways to build trans-attracted men up and reduce the stigma would improve things for all trans women, because it implies a societal shift in public opinion. It would also hold men accountable to better behavior if we weren’t relegating trans women to the bedroom as a society.
I can almost hear the hisses and boos from some of my friends and acquaintances as I say…
“Can we give them a chance?”
“Can we do something to make this space better for them too?”
Afterall, for all the mistreatment they feed us, why would we owe them a damn thing?
Both ourselves and the chasers are living in a society that stigmatizes us for what we like and how we live. We both need that stigma to go away. Shame drives men to compartmentalize these feelings. Compartmentalizing the feelings makes them come out in weird ways. Trans women end up experiencing the results of those weird outbursts first hand on socials, dating sites, and on quiet street corners when noone else is around. It hurts our safety and our mental health.
As of writing this, I know of no events in the city of Toronto that cater specifically to making a safe social space for trans women to meet others without any implications of sexual activity. Sex clubs may hold events, and one bar on the Danforth has an event that helps sex workers meet clients in a bar enviroment. That’s it. How on earth is maintaining this this status quo going to help make things better?
Can WE make this better?
I have been spending a lot of time thinking about how to change this situation. One solution could be safer community spaces for interacting together run by and for trans women first. Meetups with strict codes of conduct that protect trans women against harassment and promote respectful treatment. Creating a safe space for trans women to meet each other as first priority, then letting allies and admirers in to events that welcome them, but only after trans community trust is strongly established. This is just an idea that I’m currently thinking through and will possibly try to organize in the future.