Where to begin?

If you’re expecting a clear cut explanation of how I have strongly identified with being a woman my whole life, you won’t find it here. In my mid 30s I started coming to realize I was trans and, truthfully, I resisted believing it for a long time even as I took steps to transition to an existence that felt more authentic to me.

We are often looking for a clear cut origin story. That’s not always the case. For some trans folks out there it has been this clear, but for many of us it’s been far from anything easily summarized in a sentence or two. There is a pressure out there in society to have some story that justifies our existence and why it all makes sense. I’ve realized it overinvestigating the past for justifications at every step in life can become an exhausting task. And for what? So you can compile a little story for the skeptical that proves you are valid? No.

The mind is a garden

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🌱🌸🌷🌹🌷🌸🌱
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The best analogy I can think of is that the human mind is kind of like a vast garden. When we’re born we have a garden full of flower buds waiting to bloom with the right nurturing. Over the course of our lives some areas of the garden are watered more than others. Society naturally waters parts of your garden, and other areas you need to manually water yourself if you want them to bloom. Society also encourages you NOT to water some areas of the garden. Sometimes this could be for a good reason, such as if those areas represent dangers like addiction. Other times rules simply exist based on arbitrary things, like what genitals we were born with.

Every mind is different and some flower buds will bloom more naturally than others from person to person. Ultimately we are all trying to maintain the best garden that we feel represents who we are and what brings us joy.

My from personal experience, I didn’t water areas of my garden that were important to me until I gave myself permission to try. I didn’t even fully understand how special this part of my garden was until I tried. I couldn’t see that the colors of the blooming flowers were more representative of me until they had recieved a little water.

🌊 ➡️ 🌱 ➡️ 💥 ➡️ 🌺