Clarity

10 May 2024

In April of 2024 I finished coming out with my family. As of writing this that’s actually only a few weeks ago. There was a 2 1/2 year gap between when I told my parents that I’m queer and when I told them I’m trans.

Finding the clarity of mind to finish the job was no easy task, but a lot of things that I do in my life I do by gut feeling. I wait until my gut tells me I’m ready and then I get it done. Since the winter time I had known I was approaching a state of readiness to talk to them. However, I found myself frequently choked up and overwhelmed with emotions when I started to prepare what I would say to them.

Telling my parents that I was queer was orders of magnitude easier than it felt to tell them that I was trans. For a very long time I had wished that I was just gay. Growing up in the 90s, there were not a lot of great models for gender non-conforming people in the media or public. My mind was filled with worry that if I only told my parents without showing them their minds would race to the same kinds of negative images and associations I had grown up with. I was worried that all the skeptical anti-trans journalism would shape too much of their opinion. I worried that if I showed them first without speaking to them it would come as a shock and make starting a grounded conversation difficult.

I didn’t really get over those fears before calling them one Sunday. I think I just got exhausted of worrying and my gut finally told me I was ready enough champion through what I needed to say.

The news was as well recieved as one could expect from family. Telling them I was queer a few years prior had helped give them time to adjust, learn more on their own and be prepared to hear more. After the call I immediately sent them pictures of myself, just so there was no extended period of time spent wondering what they would see. We planned to meet for dinner at a restaurant 2 days later and I finished delivering all pertinent information, with time for Q&A.

It’s really hard to put into words what coming out to a supportive family feels like. After finishing the job I had a moment of confusion where I almost didnt know what to do next. So much of my mind has been occupied by this problem, it was like having new free time I didn’t know what to do with. In the coming days I saw what that empty space made room for though. A sense of balance, and control over my life. I felt like my parents’ child again instead of a failure for not living a heteronormative life. With that feeling came a greater capacity to share love, passion, and gratitude.

After coming out there is still work ahead to grow our bond and find absolute comfort with one another, but I’m confident in time things will only get better.