On meeting old friends and family for the first time

29 Jul 2024

I have an old friend that I’ve known since I was 6 years old. The other night at my parents place we had a dinner with him, his gf and his parents, who I haven’t seen in 25 years probably.

Throughout our elementary school days he and I were the closest of friends. We’ve stayed in touch over the years and met up for drinks to chat. I came out to him about a year ago, well before telling my parents this spring. We talked for over a year about trying to reunite for a big dinner including both our parents.

I find it is always nerve wracking for me to see people from my past. In particular when they have come to understand I am trans indirectly. Presenting the first time with folks from my past is a big deal to me always.

I didn’t want to look like a baby trans

There’s this term “baby trans” . It is in reference to being early in transition and doing awkward stuff. For example, how you dress for occasions. It’s hard to skip this phase; you just go through it and inevitably make mistakes along the way. Overdress, underdress, dress too sexy, wear too much makeup - I’ve done each of these many times. My wardrobe is in high speed evolution. My goal that evening was to dress appropriately and not look too baby trans. I think it worked out and was within acceptable limits for a dinner party:

This is how I dressed. It was fine, but still maybe a bit more fancy than everyone else 😅. It’s hard.

Reflections and emotions

The event itself went well. My friend’s mom got me a Sephora gift card and wrote a nice note in a card. Everyone got along well at the dinner table and my parents cooked a great meal.

The next day his family also sent a thank you message to my family. Shortly after I had a small emotional cry over the evening. A positive cry that I couldn’t totally explain in the moment. I think there was a sense of relief. Feeling affirmed by people of your past can be really powerful.

It reminded me a little bit of the feeling I got after coming out to my parents as trans. After feeling their acceptance. Or when my aunt visited recently and showed a lot of enthusiastic support. It seems like presenting trans to people who were adults when I was a kid feels most challenging. It can also feel the warmest of all too. Perhaps this is out of some fear I have harboured of disappointing my elders.

In any case I am thrilled than an event I anticipated for quite a long time finally happened and was such a success. I hugged both my parents after our guests left and thanked them for hosting and cooking. They understood what the dinner meant to me.