I'm starting a new job in a week and I’m not out as trans yet in my career

12 Jun 2024

With the exciting news that I’m starting a new job has come the anxieties of starting a new job. Particularly the anxieties you get after you’ve come out trans everywhere else in your life just a month ago; what fun!

At this point in time I don’t really see any particularly good reason to bring my gender identity up. The opportunity in front of me is pretty great. I still worry a lot about how perceptions could change in a workplace, once you come out trans. Given my position is one of leadership with a lot of interpersonal communication it feels really important to focus on the quality of work as I try to develop trust and respect from my colleagues. In the long run, I am reasonably certain this will be the place I come out trans in my career. I think I just need a certain sense of stability with these strangers first.

When I interviewed for this position it was all done online over 4 calls. I certainly wasn’t trying to hide anything about who I am. I wear my nail polish, earrings and light make up, but who’s noticing those sorts of details on a grainy video call? It will be somewhat self evident from my presentation that I have some sort of queer non-binary thing going on. It will probably just be one of those ambiguous things for a while.

Even before telling people that I’m trans I have considered suggesting that I have an alternative name (Kai) and they/them pronouns but I don’t know how honest to me that feels so much as a manufactured compromise that I think in my head is a good middle ground for some reason. Probably because rejecting “he/him” pronouns as soon as possible has its appeal.

If you’re reading this and sort of nodding along with the understanding of why it makes sense to conceal one’s trans identity in the workplace, you are on the path with me down internalized transphobia lane. By that I mean you comprehend the voices in my head that still tell me that I’m less because I’m trans. I’m still living with a feeling like it’s professionally better for me not to identify as trans. Why should that ever be the case? Why don’t I just feel ready? Why am I still walking on egg shells around certain types of people? Why do I feel the need to earn the right to come out trans by performing well at my job first?

I think the right path forward is simply continuing to investigate these feelings. The job will start in a week and the mystery of my work space will disappear. I can form a game plan thereafter from a more grounded perspective.