I Came Out Trans at Work

27 Jan 2025 · ~4 min read

Back in June, I wrote about starting a new job and feeling apprehensive about coming out as trans right away. I was fairly confident it would happen eventually, but I wasn’t ready. At the time, I chose to tread lightly; dressing a bit more androgynously, wearing earrings, and keeping nail extensions. It was subtle, but enough to feel like myself in small ways.

Over the past few months, I’ve really been thriving at work. I like the people, I’m enjoying the challenges of my position and I’ve been building confidence about when and how to come out completely.

The Realization in Spain

In November, I traveled to Marbella, Spain for a consultation with FacialTeam about Facial Feminization Surgery (FFS). While the consultation itself was important, the trip brought me some much deeper realizations. I couldn’t keep waiting for everything to fall into place. I couldn’t wait for surgery. I couldnt wait for a perfect political climate. The “right time” is a myth. I started to ask myself a lot more, “Who am I doing this for?”

It became clear that waiting wasn’t serving me—it was just another delay tactic, rooted in fear. So, I decided to push myself forward. I decided before I even left Spain that I would be wearing full coverage makeup to our company holiday party in December. It was my first bold move, and it felt empowering. As I anticipated, no issues with coworkers.

Soon after, just before the new year, I sat down with my CEO and told him I was trans. It went better than I could’ve hoped. He was supportive, understanding, and ready to help me navigate this new chapter at work. My next steps were to form a plan with HR.

Planning the Announcement

HR and I brainstormed a few approaches. Initially, we considered disseminating the news through team leads, but the potential for a “broken telephone” effect didn’t sit well. Announcing it during an all-hands meeting felt far too grandiose for my tastes as well. Ultimately, we settled on a more personal, measured approach. My CEO would announce it in Slack, our company’s chat program, after I had shared the news directly with my immediate team.

The day of the announcement, one of my colleagues had an early appointment, so I messaged them in advance. They ended up being the first person to hear the news and their warm, supportive response almost made me cry. In a way, it was the perfect start. Sharing the news with them helped me shake off my jitters and deliver the announcement to everyone else with grace—both on Slack and, later, to my LinkedIn network.

Reflections on timing

Looking back, I’m glad I didn’t rush into coming out. Giving myself time to adjust, find my footing, and heal after telling family and friends made all the difference. Once upon a time, I dreaded this day. But when it finally came, it was frictionless—because I was truly ready.

When I went back to read my old posts from June before writing this, I could see how scared I still was of the world. A lot of internalized transphobia I was wrestling with back then has been shed in the past months. I realize how much I’ve grown since starting. Coming out with friends and family first has really helped me live my life and develop to my full potential. It made going further to inform my career world about the change so much easier.

I hope this resonates with anyone who might be grappling with their own “when” or “how.” The truth is, no one else can dictate the right time for you, but I think doing it when you are ready to deliver the news with confidence, as a matter of fact, goes better than when you do it while harbouring shame. At the same time, healing and growth happen more rapidly on the other side of coming out, so it’s a bit of a catch 22.

My strategy has come down to taking things in bite sizes. Once upon a time I simply disclosed to family and friends I was “queer”. Over 2 years later I told them I was trans. 8 months later I told my worksphere that I was trans as well. Between each step came lots of healing, reflection and increased conviction for the path I have taken to my own happiness.

I’m glad to finally be in a place where there’s no more coming out to be done and I look forward to the healing and growth that will come this year.