Paying It Forward

After spending enough time building my own confidence in public, I felt like I had the capacity to give back to people who were in the situation I once was in. From time to time when navigating social media and dating sites you will meet folks who say they look up to you and want your help. Who would I be to deny this after such an extension of gratuity from others helped me?

I have tried on many occasions with varying levels of success to help other people come out in public. Unfortunately, I have seen many people disappear on me suddenly, come up with excuses, or simply admit they don’t think they’re ready when the time comes.

This can be frustrating to deal with because I will spend time warming up to someone and trying to champion for them before they deliver the news that they can’t really go through with what they asked me for one way or another. It’s important to remain patient through these experiences and just let people do things in their own time, but that doesn’t mean that I have to wait for them to be ready or entertain their indecision on ongoing basis. I think it’s fair to give them a shot and if it doesn’t work out, let them know that they may have to try with someone else when ready. I will encourage them not to give up if this is important to them, even if they’ve just flaked on me.

One other thing that can be very challenging with navigating the closeted is that they will inevitably harbour a lot of internalized transphobia and homophobia, and that can be projected on me. This is a risk when helping people in situations like these, especially when I’m trying to find my own way too. I shouldn’t be letting myself be brought down in order to try to bring them up.

I help when I can. I don’t burn myself out. I come first and I still set an example for them by existing.